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WHOSE CHRISTMAS IS IT ANYWAY?
Everybody wishes for a joyous Christmas holiday, but who actually achieves one? Previously, I promoted you becoming the architect of your own holiday season by encouraging you to create one not dominated by unpleasant conditions, commercial pressures, or unrealistic expectations. Here are five suggestions that you may find helpful in making this holiday seasons one of your best!
Put the season in perspective. The holidays are filled with unrealistic expectations for intimacy, closeness, relaxations, and joy. Although these are wonderful ideas, it may place an unrealistic pressure upon you to create this atmosphere for all of your family, friends, and acquaintances. Look carefully at the time you have available and evaluate who are the important people you want to see during this holiday and which events bring you the intimacy and closeness that this season promises to offer.
Take a time out, have a hot cup of tea, and then make a more realistic decision about your holiday plans remembering it is your holiday too. Reevaluate your family traditions. Think about last year's Christmas. What did you like? What was optional misery? A client of mine hated Christmas Day primarily because she spend it with her grumpy parents and siblings. When I asked her why she spent the day with grumpy family members she said, "It's tradition and it's expected!". Upon reflection, she decided to celebrate Christmas Day with her husband and children and invite willing extended family members to her home on Boxing Day. What a success! Though her family was not comfortable with the idea in the first year, this Boxing Day event has become a cherished family tradition.
Create your own symbolism. If the season accentuates memories of a loss, include rituals that recognize this loss and symbolize your memories a special candle for a deceased loved one, a toast to a departed homeland, a tree ornament for absent family members or a Christmas scrap book full of pictures, cards, and letters of Christmas past to share with those you love.
Look out for "the forgotten". A wonderful way to enhance the spirit of caring is to give of yourself in a personal way. Last year a Christmas dinner guest was unable to join us until after his shift with BC Ferries. Realizing that a number of his colleagues were in the same situation, we presented ourselves at the Gulf Island Ferry Terminal singing carols to each arriving ferry on Christmas night. Their gratitude was symbolized by the Queen of Cumberland illuminating our musical antics with a brilliant searchlight and the Ferry horn wishing us well!
Be good to yourself. You may find yourself on autopilot taking on too many activities and feeling exhausted. Ask for help. Set limits. Stop for eggnog. Go for a walk. Allow yourself not to do something. Engage in any activity that honours you and your spirit. The Christmas Holidays are a time in the darkness of winter to rekindle the spirit in ourselves and others so we can light our way into a new year. It can be a time of reflection, appreciation, and quiet reverie as well as a time of celebration, laughter and merriment. May this Christmas be one that you can call your own.